Every sinner has a future.
I don’t want to lose my friends and family because of how busy I am. I don’t want to drift away from them because I have so much on my plate that I can’t go visit them of meet up with them. I don’t want to lose drift away from them when I go back to my room after a long day and can’t just eat a meal with them bc I have to rush to studio or bc I’ve been up for two days and I fall asleep on the counter while listening to them. I don’t want to keep having to explain that I just can’t do anything about it bc I am too far down the road…like a narrow road with two really long walls about 18 inches apart and the only thing to do is to keep walking bc you can’t turn around. It’s not possible. I don’t want to have to explain what is it that I need to do that I can’t go home or visit…bc I really don’t know how long it’s going to take me to finish this physical model and maybe it will take me 6 hours to do my plan. I have no idea how I am going to put together a 6’ by 12’ broad for this Monday when I have absolutely nothing. Everything is to a scale…you can’t just blow it up to fill the space. And then the Monday after that I have to do it all over again plus models in final presentation format. I don’t know if I should do a thesis for my last semester but I need to know so bc I have take a preclass and the potential new dean keeps telling me he wants me to do it bc they are just introducing it now and he wants me to be his guinea pig but I don’t wanna for next semester. It will help me figure out my identity in architecture and life in general. And he wants someone doing MIP and plus I have a busi minor so my perspective is unique. I want a to sleep and not wake up every time with a panic attack and anxiety bc Idk where I need to be somewhere doing something 2 hours ago. too much to think about.I’m tired. I feel the friends and family drifting. School friends, home friends, immediate family, cousins, uncles, aunts. I don’t even have time to respond to texts and my brian doesn’t now how to react to anything. Coffee is doing weird shit my body…mentally I can pass out and physically I’m jumping around twitching, my hair is a cray mess. Idk how I’m gna get through these next days but I know I will. There is no other choice.
Btw I’m not emotionally stable writing this so I apologize for acting like a drama queen.I know I shouldn’t complain…people have it worse. And this doesn’t matter